A number of months ago, I heard someone say that they couldn’t live without their partner. Now, this wasn’t because this person was disabled and therefore, needed this person in order to be able to handle life.
No, this was someone who was perfectly capable of handling life by themselves. However, although this was the case, this person created the impression that they needed their partner.
A Deeper Look
Based on what they came out with, it could be said that their survival was attached to their partner. So even though they were a capable human being, a big part of them didn’t feel that way.
It then didn’t matter how healthy their physical body was or how developed their intellect was, as their emotional self was undermining them. This part of them cancelled out the other parts of them.
At an emotional level, there is a strong chance that they felt like a needy child; not a strong adult who could support themselves. Their physical age was then radically different to their emotional age.
Ultimately, they were not emotionally interdependent; they were emotionally dependent. As a result of this, they may have had the tendency to neglect their own needs and to do what they could to fulfil their partner’s needs.
Experiencing life in this is unlikely to have been very fulfilling for them, but it likely to have been something that just happened. Neglecting their own needs would have been seen as a being better than the alternative – being abandoned.
Even if they were not aware of this fear, it would still have had a lot of control over their life. To the emotional part of their being, being left would have been seen as something that would bring their life to an end.
Along with this, they may have believed that there was something inherently wrong with them. Consequently, this would have caused them to believe that their needs were not important, and it would have been seen as the reason why another person would leave them.
Hiding who they are and doing what they can to please their partner is going to be vital. The question is: why would someone not feel comfortable in their own skin and have a fear of being abandoned?
What this may show is that their formative years were a time when they didn’t receive the right care. Perhaps this was a time when they were neglected and abused, which would have stopped them from being able to develop in the right way.
Instead of going through the developmental stages, they would have stayed in a dependent state. Not only this, the shame that they experienced would have disconnected them from their inherent worth.
If someone can relate to this, and they want to emotionally grow up, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
With external support, one can start to work through their winner wounds, and by doing this they can become a more integrated human being. This is likely to be something that takes patience and persistence.
Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, one hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.