Relationships: How Can A Woman Tell If A Man Is Unavailable?

Although a woman may find that it is relatively easy for her to attract a man, what she may also find is that she is unable to find a man who actually wants a relationship. This may mean that she has been with a number of men who were emotionally unavailable.

Even so, this doesn’t mean that she was able to realise this when she first met each of these men. Therefore, each time she met one of these men, she may have believed that her luck was about to change.

Up and Down

She would have experienced certain feelings and thoughts at the beginning and, after a certain amount of time passed, her inner world would have changed. It may have been as though she was flying at one point and at another; her wings had been taken away.

If she did end up falling down emotionally, it might then have had an impact on every other area of her life. She may have alternated between feeling angry at the guy she was with and feeling angry at herself.

Two Options

At this point, she might decide to take a break from men and to focus on other areas of her life. But, even if she was to take this route, it might only be a matter of time before she feels the urge to find a man who is available.

Conversely, it might only be a matter of time before she ends up coming into contact with a guy who she believes is available. It might be different this time, but then again, it may end up being just the same as before.

The Third Option

Another approach would be for the woman to take a step back and to think about why she has the tendency to attract these kinds of men. She will be the person who shows up each time, so it is not as though she is just an observer of what is taking place.

If she is too attached to her mind, it might not be possible for her to accept this. There will then be no reason for her to look within or to change her behaviour, as it will simply be about finding the right man.

External Focus

Consequently, she may feel the need to learn about how to spot a man who is not available. Looking within and finding out about what part she is playing is likely to be better, but this will be better than nothing.

At least if she does find out about what the signs are, she will be able to walk away a lot sooner. By focusing entirely on the external world, it will help to minimize the amount of pain that she will have to experience.

Early On

What she may find out is that if a man comes on really strong at the beginning, it could show that he is not available. For so long, she may have believed that this meant that he was ready to have a relationship.

The reason this is likely to show that something isn’t right is because the man won’t know much about the woman, yet he will be willing to offer so much – or so it seems. If a man actually wanted to have a relationship with a woman, he would take the time to get to know her.

The Sensible Approach

This is similar to similar to how he wouldn’t just give a job to anyone if he wanted to hire someone who would have a positive effect on his business. If a man creates the impression that he is willing to jump into a relationship more or less straight away, it can show that he only has the ability to connect mentally and physically.

It is then not that he needs to protect his heart by getting to know a woman first, as this part of him is not open anyway. His primary need can be to experience physical pleasure and to fulfil his need for attention and approval, for instance.

Two Parts

What can fuel his need to connect so soon is the feeling of rejection and/or abandonment, and, what can push him away – as the relationship develops – is the feeling of being smothered. Feeling this way can then cause the man to disappear, only to return once he starts to get in touch with the feelings that made him come on strong to begin with.

This is not always going to happen, though, and the man may not come on very strong in the beginning. Still, he may have the inclination to talk about his ex a lot or even put forward the idea of having an open relationship.

Physically Present, Emotionally Absent

When it comes to the former, this can show that he is still emotionally attached to his ex, meaning that he is only able to offer part of himself to another woman. Being with another woman could simply be a way for him to avoid how he feels.

If he was to put forward the idea of an open relationship, it could show that he only has his body and mind to offer. It is then not that he wants a relationship; it is more a case of having a number of women available who will fulfil his ‘lower’ needs.

A Clear Sign

A man might go one step further than this and end up having a number of different affairs. Going with other women can allow the man to experience a sense of freedom, with this being a way for him to regain his boundaries.

Getting close to a woman will erode his sense of self and getting away from her will rebuild it. Thus, while this will take care of his sexual needs, it can be more about gaining a sense of control.

Awareness

These are just a few of the things that a woman can look out for if she is looking to have a relationship. If she was to look within and to see what part she is playing in all this, it is likely to make it easier for her to find a man who is available.

One of the things that might be stopping her from finding a man who is able to fully show up is the fear of being seen, along with a fear of being smothered. One way for her to shed light on why this area of her life is this way will be for her to look into what took place during her early years.

Relationships: Are Some People Addicted To Feeling Rejected?

It could be said that although rejection is part of life, there are some people who experience it more than others. Now, at times this will be due to how someone lives their life.

For example, let’s say that someone is an entrepreneur, who is constantly putting their ideas in front of different people. Someone like this will end up taking more risks (calculated risks), meaning that they are not going to have the same degree of acceptance that they might have if they had a normal job.

Dating

Alternatively, someone could be at the point in their life where they are looking for someone to have a relationship with. One could then be going out on a regular basis in order to meet their match.

If one is a man who is approaching different women, as opposed to a woman who might just be able to wait for a man to come to her, for instance, he is naturally going to experience a fair amount of rejection. But, in cases like this, the rejection that they experience is simply a means to an end.

A Big Difference

This is naturally different to someone who doesn’t just experience rejection from time to time but who, more or less, always experiences rejection. Along with what happens externally, they might also have the tendency to feel rejected for no apparent reason.

Thus, it won’t matter what is taking place externally, as it is not going to stop them from feeling as though they are not accepted and that they are worthless. It is then not a feeling comes and goes; it is something that has taken root in their being.

Unaware

However, even though this will be a feeling that has become a big part of their life, it doesn’t mean that one will realise this. Consequently, it might seem as though they only experience life in this way due to what is taking place externally.

And, as a result of what is taking place within them, they will also feel rejected even when they haven’t been rejected. It will be as if they are wearing special glasses, with these glasses defining how they interpret other people’s behaviour.

A Common Occurrence

If someone like this is in a relationship, they may find that their partner doesn’t treat them very well. Yet, instead of doing something about it or ending the relationship, they choose to put up with what is taking place.

They might struggle to remember when they last felt accepted and appreciated by this person, which might show how dysfunctional their relationship is. If they were to look back on their life, they may find that their past relationships were no different.

Another Scenario

Alternatively, someone like this could still be mulling over their last relationship, even though it ended many months ago and wasn’t functional. Doing this could cause them to feel rejected and as though they have no value.

Ergo, even though it won’t have been a fulfilling relationship, they are still going to be craving the person who treated them badly. Along with this, they could have moments when they wonder what it would be like to be with someone who is different.

It Does Feel Right

Still, if they were to meet someone who is different and this ended up going further, there is a strong chance that they would soon lose interest. This person is not going to treat them in a way that will support how they feel on the inside.

It then won’t matter if they wanted to be with someone who accepted them before the relationship began, as this won’t be what a bigger part of them wanted. This part of them will only feel comfortable if they are with someone who validates how they feel in the inside.

Two Parts

Consciously, then, it could be said that one will want to feel accepted and to be accepted by others, but, unconsciously, this is not something that feels safe. As feeling rejected is what feels safe at a deeper level, it will be as though feeling this way is part of who they are.

Ultimately, their ego can form an identity around anything; it doesn’t matter if it is empowering or disempowering. The only thing that matters is that it is familiar, with what is familiar being what is safe.

Death

Therefore, if one was to let go of this feeling and no longer felt rejected all the time, it would be as though they had lost themselves. They will only know who they are when they feel rejected, so to no longer feel this way would be experienced as a loss.

At one point in their life, their ego mind would have come to associate feeling rejected as what felt safe. And, as the days and weeks went by, feeling this way would have gradually become part of their identity.

Way Back

What this can show is that their early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Being treated this way would have caused them to experience a lot of pain, but there wouldn’t have been anything that they could do about it.

Experiencing all this pain and being treated badly wouldn’t have been good for them, yet it would have ended up being what felt comfortable. Being treated differently, even if it meant being treated with love, would have been seen as a threat to their survival.

Awareness

If someone takes all this into account, it will allow them to understand why they are hooked on feeling bad. Their behaviour may have been seen as irrational before, but now it will make more sense. 
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If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

Relationships: Is It A Good Sign If Someone Is Extremely Attracted To Another Person?

While one could come across another person and not really experience anything, they could come across someone else and it could be as if their whole being has been hijacked. But, even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that one will see this as a bad thing.

One will then have lost control, yet it will be seen as a sign that they have met someone who is right for them. Every part of their being is then going to be on green, telling them to move ahead.

An Analogy

Therefore, this scenario is likely to be very similar to how it would be if one went to look for a new car. There will be cars that don’t do it for them, cars that they like but are not enamoured with, and cars that they are strongly drawn to.

In will then be a good idea for them to buy the car that really draws them in, that’s if they have the means to do so. If they end up with a car that doesn’t do it for them, it is unlikely that they will enjoy having the car.

One Direction

So, just like being drawn to a car will tell them that the car is right for them, being strongly attracted to someone will tell them that the peons is right for them. As a result of this, one will want to do what they can to take things further.

Another thing that they may feel the need to do, after having met some like this, is to tell the people in their life about what has happened. They could end up telling these people that they have met someone who is perfect for them.

Emotionally Uplifted

No matter what their emotional state was like before they met this person, there is a strong chance that it has radically changed since that point in time. If they were not in a good place, now they will be, and, if they were in a good place, they will probably feel even better.

In fact, it could seem as though they have been taken to another planet or that the planet they live on is so much better. It then won’t be necessary for one to be with this person in order to feel better; they will only need to think about them.

The Next Step

Let’s say that the other person is also attracted to them and things do progress, one could start to think about the future. They might think about what it will be like to live with this person and to even start a family with them, for instance.

Now, as time passes, it could become clear that they are in a relationship with someone who is right for them. It was then a good thing that they responded in the way that they did, when they first came into contact with this person.

Another Scenario

At the same time, what one may find that this person is not good for them as time goes by. And, while this person might simply not be a good match; it could end up being far worse.

For example, they could end up coming to see that they are with someone who is verbally or physically abusive. One will then have been on one side of the emotional spectrum at the beginning, only to go to the other side of it as time has gone by.

Unbelievable

If one felt so good at the beginning and just about every part of them was saying ‘go for it’, it can be hard for them to comprehend how this could have happened. One may end up taking place is that one will feel like a victim.

It can seem as though they were deceived and, as a result, it will be normal for them to feel as though they have been taken advantage of. Nonetheless, just because it seems as though they played no a part in what has occurred; this is unlikely to be so.

A Potential Red Flag

What it is likely to show is that they were simply unaware of what was going on, which is why they had no reason to question what was taking place and allowed themselves to be swept away by it all. Ergo, even though being strongly attracted to this person would have been seen as something positive, they were being deceived by what was taking place within them.

To understand what most likely took place at this stage of their life, it will be necessary take a closer look into why someone would be attracted to another person. It would be easy to believe that this is typically something that takes place when someone likes another person’s appearance and their personality.

A Deeper Look

These two elements play a part, that is clear, but they are surface levels factors. There are other elements that play an even bigger role in why one would be attracted to another person.

Below these surface level elements is the part that someone’s childhood has on who they are drawn to. Consciously, one can have the need to be with someone who will be a good match for them but, unconsciously, they will have the need to find someone who will allow them to resolve their early wounds.

Repetition Compulsion

Said another way, their conscious mind will want them to be happy, while their unconscious mind will want them to evolve. With this in mind, the reason one can feel a strong attraction to someone can be due to the fact that this person reminds them of one of their caregivers.

At a deeper level, part of them will want to replay what took place all those years ago and then to resolve it. Without realising it, they will be projecting what they didn’t get from their caregivers into another person and, as time passes, these positive projections will start to fade out, being replaced by negative projections and the other person’s true nature will start to fade in.

Awareness

Taking this into account, if someone feels strongly attracted to someone, it might be a good idea for them to step back and to reflect. Doing this might save them a lot of pain in the long-term.

What this emphasises is that while ones conscious mind can forget about what happened in the past, their unconscious mind doesn’t forget. This part of them will reveal why they are attracted to certain people.

If one finds that they have the tendency to be attracted to the wrong people, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

Relationships: Can A Relationship Bring Up Someone’s Attachment Trauma?

When someone gets into a relationship, they may believe that they have finally met their match. What they have been through in the past, when it comes to this area of their life, is then going to be well and truly over.

At one point, it will have been as though they were on a stormy sea and now, they will be on calm waters. There is then going to be no more bumps – the path in front of them will be completely flat.

An Unexpected Outcome

However, although this may be how one currently sees this area of their life, it doesn’t mean that their external world will match up with what is taking place in their mind as time goes by. What they could find is that their partner ends up pulling away as time goes by or that they come up too strong.

If the former takes place, one could end up feeling rejected and abandoned, and what may follow is the feeling of being worthless. Yet, if the latter takes place, they could end up feeling smothered and trapped, which could result in them feeling powerless.

Confusion

If something like this was to take place, the first thing that one could do is to blame their partner. Instead of stepping back and reflecting on what is taking place, what is going on externally will be seen as the issue.

As a result of this, their partner could end up reacting negatively to what they say, creating even more disharmony. Another thing that could take place is that the relationship could simply come to an end.

A Similar Scenario

At the same time, while one of the occurrences above could be what has taken place, it could be slightly different. So, instead of them feeling rejected and abandoned because their partner has actually pulled away, they could feel this way if their partner has a lot going on at work, for instance, and is unable to spend as much time with them as they usually would.

And, while they could be feeling smothered and trapped due to their partner coming on too strong, they could feel this way whenever they express their needs. No matter what is going on, then, it will lead to a fair amount of internal discomfort.

The Early Stages

If one was fine before they got into a relationship with this person, they may wonder what is going on. But, while they may have been fine up until this point, there is also the chance that it is not this black and white.

They may have only been seeing this person for a few weeks and had number of intense experiences during this time. Perhaps there was time when they didn’t hear from them for a little while, with this resulting in them feeling fearful and as though they had been rejected.

Attached

This may have been a time when they simply reacted to how they were feeling, doing what they could to get the other person to respond. Alternatively, they may have pushed down how they felt and tried to act normal.

Their need to make a good impression at this point may have stopped them from criticising the other person. Based on how they felt, the last thing they would have wanted was for them to stop talking to them altogether.

One Outlook

One way of looking at what took place earlier on and/or what is taking place now that they are in a relationship would be to say that one is simply overacting. Ergo, the best thing for them to do would be to make sure that they don’t get caught up their ‘irrational’ feelings.

One could end up coming to believe that they need to be mindful of what is taking place in their head, due to the fact that their thoughts create their feelings. It is then going to be all about what is going on up top.

A Deeper Look

Another way of looking at this would be to say that the reason all these feelings have been coming up is because they have become emotionally attached to another person, which has allowed their early wounds to be brought up to the surface. Consciously, one may not see the other person as their caregiver, but unconsciously, this can be exactly how they see them.

At a deeper level, part of them will look towards their partner to give them what their caregivers didn’t give them, and when this doesn’t happen, how they felt during their early years will come back up to the surface. And not only will how they felt during their early years be triggered when their partner doesn’t behave in a certain way, this can also take place even if this part of them assumes that something has taken place.

Deep Pain

There is then going to be no need for clear evidence to be provided in order for their early wounds to be opened up. What complicates this even further is that although this part of them will want to receive what it didn’t receive all those years ago, experiencing the same experiences over and over again will be what feels safe.

When their wounds are opened up, they can end up feeling like a needy and dependent child. Perhaps their early years were a time in their life when their needs were rarely, if ever met, meaning that they would have been spent a lot of time feeling rejected and abandoned.

Awareness

The years will have passed since that stage of their life but the trauma that they experienced will still be within them. If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support.

This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

Relationships: Why Would Someone Try To Make Their Ex Look Bad?

Once a relationship has come to an end, it could result in two people going their own way. This will then be a clean break, meaning that both of them will be happy to move on with their life.

What this could illustrate is that they gradually grew apart, with there being nothing to keep them together. Ending the relationship in this way will have meant that neither of them had to get to the point where they hated the other before something was done.

Conscious Uncoupling

This would have stopped them from having to experience too much pain and drama. But, if both of them didn’t have the level self-awareness that they have, it might have been a different story.

Without this, their relationship may have had to get really bad before anything was actually done about it. There is then the chance that the relationship would have lasted longer, yet it would have gone down a very different route.

Another Experience

Conversely, one of them may have got to the point where they could see that it was no longer working. After being with them for a little while, perhaps it became clear that they were on very different paths.

Before long, they may have opened up to their partner about what was going on for them and their partner may have accepted it. This would have stopped too much ill feeling from building up and allowed them to part ways in a more gentle fashion.

A Common Outcome

If this is what took place, it could be said that this is something that is far more common than the other experience. The reason for this is that it is rare for both people to be equally attracted to each other.

As a result of this, one person can lose interest and the other can still be strongly attracted to them. A breakup can then be relatively pain free for one person, while it can be incredibly painful for another.

One Focus

Regardless of how the relationship ended, both of them could have no interest in painting their ex in negative light. This doesn’t mean that either of them won’t feel angry or hurt, but this won’t give them the desire to make the other person look bad.

So, if one of them is not in a good way, they will do what they need to do to work through their pain. Laying into the other person would take away the energy that they need to heal themselves.

Another Focus

If the other is not in a lot of pain, it doesn’t mean that they won’t have anything to work through. Still, most of their energy could be directed towards other areas of their life, with them being only too aware of how wasteful it would be for them to spend their time criticising their ex.

This doesn’t mean that they won’t talk about what took place with a close friend, for instance, but it won’t be a time when they will try to make their ex look back. Getting this out can allow them to process what took place and to gradually integrate the experience.

A Different Scenario

This is not always going to be what takes place, though, as it is not always going to be possible for someone to move on in this way. Instead, one of them can end up doing everything that they can to make the other person look bad.

What can be strange about this is that the person who is trying to make their ex look bad could be the one who did the most damage. Therefore, even if there were problems on both sides, it will appear as though one person was bad and the other was completely innocent.

What’s going on?

It can then seem as though someone like this doesn’t care about their ex; the only thing that they care about is making themselves look good. If this involves destroying their ex’s image, then so be it.

However, although it can seem as though this is what it is really about, there is likely to be more to it. The reason that someone would try to do this can be because they are trying to avoid their own feelings.

Avoidance

After their ex left them, they may have ended up coming into contact with a lot of shame and what happened after this will be a way for them to keep this shame at bay. Lowering their ex’s value is then a way for them to try to stop themselves from feeling totally worthless.

What this shows it that they are out of touch with their inherent value; their value is defined by how other people perceive them. Taking this into account, it is clear to see why they would behave in this way.

Self-Protection

Deep down, they would have most likely feared that if they didn’t do this to their ex, their ex would slander them. It was then a case of making them look bad, or have their ex reveal how flawed they are to the world.

It is unlikely that one would have just felt worthless if this took place; they would have felt even worse. This would have been something that permeated their whole being, with them feeling as though they were less-than human.

Awareness

The ideal would be for someone like this to reach out for external support, so that they could work through the pain that is within them. Perhaps they were brought up in a very abusive environment.

This type of support is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. When someone behaves in this way they are likely to lack self-awareness and this can prevent them from being able to own their pain and then to reach out for support.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

Relationships: Why Are Some Men Attracted To Unavailable Women?

Even though a man may have the desire to be in an intimate relationship with a woman, he may continually end up with women who are not available. Through having been with a number of women who are like this, he may find that this area of his life causes him to experience a fair amount of frustration.

If he was to look back on his life, he may see what this is something that has been going on for a number of years, or it could have been going on for a few decades. No matter how long it has been going on for, he is most likely going to want this area of his life to change before long.

A False Impression

When he first met these women, he may have come to believe that he had finally found someone who was ready to have an intimate relationship. It would then have been as if the lights were on green, only for him to find out that this was just a mirage.

Consequently, he may have given himself a hard time, finding it hard to comprehend how he was duped all over again. At this point, he could have ended up blaming the woman he was with, seeing her as yet another woman who has wasted his time.

In The Beginning

If he was to think about what is was like when he first met these women, he could think about how interested they were. Right from the off, they would have shown a lot of interest in him.

Along with being happy to spend time with him on a regular basis, they may have been very affectionate, too. One thing that could also stand out is what their sex life was like, with this being something that was very fulfilling.

Two Extremes

To use an analogy, it would have been as though at one stage they were in the Sahara desert, while at another, they were in the North Pole. Going from one climate to another would have been difficult for them to deal with.

It might not have always been this swift, though, as there may have been times when it happened in a more gradual fashion. This might have meant that it took them a little while to notice what was going on.

For Example

So, the woman may have found time to see them a few times a week and then this started to change as time went by. As time went by and things became more serious, he may have found that she was rarely free.

In addition to this, she may have just about lost interest in sex over time. She would then have gone from being warm and available, to being cold and out of reach.

A Clear Sign

However, what may become clear is that just because a woman comes on strong in the beginning, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she is available. In fact, this can be a clear sign that she is not available.

If a woman was actually ready to have an intimate relationship, she would most likely take her time to get to know a man. With an open heart, she wouldn’t want to just want let anyone into her life.

A Big Difference

For her to come on strong straight away and to even be open to having sex just as soon can show that her heart is closed. Getting naked is one thing, but it is another thing altogether for someone to reveal their true-self.

Yet, what would have made it hard for him to realise this is if he was caught up in what was taking place. His emotions would then have been all over the place, making it hard for him to think clearly.

What’s going on?

A man like this could come to believe that this is just what women are like – the downside here is that this is would mean that there is not a lot that he can do. This area of his life is going to be completely out of his hands.

What can’t be overlooked here is that he is the person who keeps showing up, which means that he is playing a part in what is going on. If he was to go deep within himself, he may find is that the reason he keeps ending up with women like this is due to the fact that he is emotionally unavailable.

Two Levels

Consciously, then, he will have the desire to find a woman who is unavailable, but unconsciously, he will not want to get too close to a woman. The women he attracts are then going to be mirroring back what is taking place within him at a deeper level.

The reason he can’t see this can be due to the defences that he has built up over the years; these defences will keep his feelings at bay. If these defences were removed, he might soon realise why he experiences life in this way.

Way Back

During his early years, his mother may have ended up getting to close to him, smothering him in the process. This would have caused him to feel violated, yet he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it.

Emotionally shutting down would have most likely been the only way for him to handle this pain. This would have caused him to lose touch with his emotional self, but this would have been a small price to pay.

Awareness

Deep within his being, getting emotionally close to a woman will be seen as something that will cause him to lose himself – to be annihilated. His conscious mind will experience a fair amount of anger and frustration by experiencing life in this way, but to his unconscious mind this will be what feels safe.

If a man can relate to this, and he wants to change this area of his life, he may need to reach out for external support. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, he will be able to work through his inner wounds.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

Relationships: Is It Possible To End Up With The Wrong Person?

Just as one can choose something on a menu and end up finding out that it is not very appealing to their taste buds; they can also end up choosing someone to be in a relationship with, only to find out that they are not a good match. However, although one can just stop eating a meal that doesn’t do anything for them, they might not simply be able to walk away from a relationship that is not right.

Due to the amount of time that one has been with this person for, they may have become strongly attached to them. If they are not a good match this is going to be bad enough, but if the other person is abusive, it is going to be even worse.

A Mismatch

There would have most likely been the type of person who they had in mind before they got into the relationship and then, there would have been the type of person who they actually ended up with once they did. If they were to compare the idea that they had in their head with the person they are with, it could similar to the difference between night and day.

Due to how different this person is, one could wonder how they have ended up in this position. It could be as if they have ordered one meal but ended up being given another meal entirely.

A One-Off

If this is the first time that this has taken place, it might be easier for them to handle. One could come to the conclusion that they are simply unlucky, and that their luck will soon change.

So, once they cut their ties with this person, it might only be a matter of time before they are able to find someone who is right for them. It might not be easy for them to end the relationship but it will be something that they need to do.

A Pattern

Then again, there is the chance that this is not the first time that this has taken place. In fact, this could be a scenario that has played out for as long as they can remember.

They will have been with a number of people who were not right for them. Consequently, one could see themselves as being unlucky or they could believe that someone or something is holding them back.

No Effect

Bearing in mind that there will be what one wants and then there will be what they get, it is not going to be a surprise if they feel as though they have no control over this area of their life. When it comes to other areas of their life, it could be a very different story.

For example, one could have a very successful career and they may have a number of close friends. If one was able to detach from what is going on in this area of their life and to think about why this area of their life might this way, it may give them the opportunity to change their life.

A Deeper Look

Through being curious about why their life is the way it is and looking for answers, they may come to see that there are at least two parts to their being. One part is called their conscious mind and another part is called their unconscious mind.

The first part will have a have small impact on their life, while the second part will have a big impact on their life. What may then occur to them is that, for so long, they were not even aware that this part of them existed, let alone aware of what was taking place in this part of them.

Turning the Lights On

By becoming aware of what is taking place in this part of their being, they might gradually come to see why they are drawn to certain people. These people might only tick a few of the boxes that they have in their conscious mind, but they will most likely tick off all the boxes that are in their unconscious mind.

In a way, their conscious mind will be like one person and their unconscious mind will be like another. But even though there are two people, one of these people will have far more control than the other.

The Primary Need

This other person is not going to be interested in being with someone who will make them happy or who will respect them, for instance; what this person really wants it to replay what took place many, many years ago. In other words, their unconscious mind will want one to be with someone who will allow them to re-experience what took place during their early years.

This is not because this part of their being wants to see them suffer; it is because this part of them wants them to heal their wounds and to become whole. By coming into contact with someone who is also wounded in a similar way, it will bring up to the surface the parts of them that they have lost touch with, and thereby allow them to work through their pain.

Self-Knowledge

Without this understanding in place, it is will be perfectly normal for one to see other people as the problem. History will be repeating itself but one’s conscious mind will be completely unaware of what is going on.

Instead of being able to see that is going on and to heal their inner wounds, they will just react to what is taking place. More pain will then be added to their existing pain, as opposed to working through the pain that they have been carrying for so long.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to work through their inner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

Relationships: Why Do Some Men Want A Mother Figure?

Just because a man looks like a man, it doesn’t mean that he feels likes like a man on the inside. What is going on externally is then going to have very little to do with what is going on internally.

Still, even though his physical appearance will create the impression that he is a man, it doesn’t mean that his behaviour will create the same impression. His behaviour is then going to shed light on what is happening within him.

Two Experiences

Now, while he may be aware that he feels like a boy, there is also the chance that he isn’t aware. If he is aware of this he may end up looking into what he can do to change how he feels.

Through doing this, it will give him to chance to emotionally grow up and to grow into a strong man in the process. On the other hand, if he hasn’t been able to step back and how he feels is just seen as a normal part of him, his life is unlikely to change.

An Identity

Due to how long he has felt this way for, it is not going to occur to him that he feels like a boy. The emotional experience that he has is then just going to be seen as part of who he is.

Even so, this doesn’t mean that there won’t be moments in his life when he ends up feeling frustrated and angry. Yet, when this does happen, it might not be long until he ends up feeling down and even depressed.

A Bleak Existence

As a result of how he feels and the view that he has of himself and the world, it may mean that he is used to being walked over by others. This is likely to show that it is a challenge for him to stand his ground.

Along with this, he may also lack a sense of direction, not knowing what he wants to do with his life. Therefore, even if he has a job, it doesn’t mean that he will feel as though he is on the right track.

Up and Down

If his emotions are generally out of balance, this is going to be another area of his life that causes him problems. The emotional part of his being is not going to be on his side, so to speak, it will be working against him.

Consequently, there may be a number of things in the external world that he relies on to sooth his emotions. One way he may do this is by masturbating to porn and/or he might take drugs, for instance.

A Strong Attraction

When it comes to the type of woman that a man like this is drawn to, it is unlikely that this will be a woman who is very feminine. The reason for this is that this man is going to want a woman who possesses what he hasn’t developed.

This is not to say that he will be consciously aware of the kind of women that he is attracted to, though, as this could be something that he hasn’t thought about. But even if he is not aware of the type of women that he is drawn to, it may become clear if he was to think about the kind of women he has been with or drawn to over the years.

A Closer Look

As he lacks a sense of direction, is emotionally unstable and finds it hard to assert himself, the woman he is drawn to can be someone who takes care of this for him. The woman is then going to be strongly attached to her masculine energy, while he will be strongly attached to his feminine energy.

From the outside, a woman like this may appear to be a strong woman, but this could be nothing more than an illusion. Instead, this could be a woman who has lost touch with her feminine aspect due to the fact that she doesn’t feel safe enough to embrace this side of her being.

A False-Self

The self that she presents to the world is then a mask that she we wears to keep her inner wounds at bay. How she feels deep down is then going to be mirrored back to her by the type of man that she ends up with.

Unconsciously, he will see her as someone who will give him that he didn’t get as a child and in him, she will see the part of herself that she has lost touch with and needs to be rescued, which means that both of them will be emotionally unavailable and unable to be present in the relationship. Both of them will be playing a role, making it more or less impossible for them to deeply connect with each other.

The Way Forward

In order for a man like this to end up with a woman who is in touch with her feminine aspect, he will need to embrace his masculine aspect. By working through his own inner wounds, he will no longer look toward a women to give him a sense of direction, to sooth his emotions or to sort his challenges out.

Once this has taken place, a will be able to attract a woman who has embraced her feminine aspect and feels safe enough to be vulnerable around him. There may be moments when he occasionally sees her as his mother, but a big part of him will know that she isn’t.

Awareness

If a man is looking for a mother figure it may show that his mother and father were emotionally unavailable during his early years. The love that he needed from his mother and the guidance that he needed from his father wouldn’t have been provided.

When it comes to healing the early damage, a man may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, one hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

When the Heart and Love Isn’t on the Same Accord

Eyes meet, palms sweat, hearts race, sparks fly, instant attraction, butterflies, lost composure, word stumbling and nervous laughs. Wow! True love has finally found you. Love is an emotion that is truly amazing. It lightens the heart and makes sure all your days are loaded with sheer delight. It makes you spontaneous, it energizes you and is as comforting as an evening summer breeze. You laugh at the same things and phone calls melt the heart. Being away from each other for minutes seem like hours because concentrating on something that doesn’t involve the other is a thought in vain. To keep your hands off each other is a monumental feat. And if someone can’t get with the program and accept the love you’ve found they become dispensable. 
Then one day out of the blue things begin to change. For some reason love picks a fight with the same heart that it seemed to care so much about. A silly fight it must be confessed. Said it didn’t want to be friends any longer with the same heart that it promised that it would forever hold on to and never, ever hurt. Now that same hearts playing defense because it doesn’t want to surrender. But how could it possibly win when love has all the power? That bully pulled a fast one. It snatched all the thrills that used to feel spectacular and before the heart could make its case it started ripping the strings of it like ribbons. How could it not know that those ribbons was the skeletal that was shielding all that it held so dear? Then it licked its tongue out as if to say don’t you dare try to impose your love again because you will have the same coming. Showing no emotion it eased towards the door while a severely injured heart begged it not to go. It said, ” I know things look pretty bad but a bandage here and a little caring there and I will be alright again. I forgive you and am willing to let bygones be bygones so please take your hand off that doorknob. If you didn’t want a home in me why did you give me everything that I’ve been missing? Love responded, ” I showed up to teach you a lesson.” The heart said,” And that is?” Love said,” Stop being desperate because I didn’t ask for your heart you pushed it on me.” So in all actuality you hurt you.

I Can’t Live Without You!

A number of months ago, I heard someone say that they couldn’t live without their partner. Now, this wasn’t because this person was disabled and therefore, needed this person in order to be able to handle life.

No, this was someone who was perfectly capable of handling life by themselves. However, although this was the case, this person created the impression that they needed their partner.

A Deeper Look

Based on what they came out with, it could be said that their survival was attached to their partner. So even though they were a capable human being, a big part of them didn’t feel that way.

It then didn’t matter how healthy their physical body was or how developed their intellect was, as their emotional self was undermining them. This part of them cancelled out the other parts of them.

Emotionally Undeveloped

At an emotional level, there is a strong chance that they felt like a needy child; not a strong adult who could support themselves. Their physical age was then radically different to their emotional age.

Ultimately, they were not emotionally interdependent; they were emotionally dependent. As a result of this, they may have had the tendency to neglect their own needs and to do what they could to fulfil their partner’s needs.

The Priority

Experiencing life in this is unlikely to have been very fulfilling for them, but it likely to have been something that just happened. Neglecting their own needs would have been seen as a being better than the alternative – being abandoned.

Even if they were not aware of this fear, it would still have had a lot of control over their life. To the emotional part of their being, being left would have been seen as something that would bring their life to an end.

Two Parts

Along with this, they may have believed that there was something inherently wrong with them. Consequently, this would have caused them to believe that their needs were not important, and it would have been seen as the reason why another person would leave them.

Hiding who they are and doing what they can to please their partner is going to be vital. The question is: why would someone not feel comfortable in their own skin and have a fear of being abandoned?

Early Years

What this may show is that their formative years were a time when they didn’t receive the right care. Perhaps this was a time when they were neglected and abused, which would have stopped them from being able to develop in the right way.

Instead of going through the developmental stages, they would have stayed in a dependent state. Not only this, the shame that they experienced would have disconnected them from their inherent worth.

Final Thoughts

If someone can relate to this, and they want to emotionally grow up, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. 
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With external support, one can start to work through their winner wounds, and by doing this they can become a more integrated human being. This is likely to be something that takes patience and persistence.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, one hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.