Relationships: Why Are Some Men Attracted To Unavailable Women?

Even though a man may have the desire to be in an intimate relationship with a woman, he may continually end up with women who are not available. Through having been with a number of women who are like this, he may find that this area of his life causes him to experience a fair amount of frustration.

If he was to look back on his life, he may see what this is something that has been going on for a number of years, or it could have been going on for a few decades. No matter how long it has been going on for, he is most likely going to want this area of his life to change before long.

A False Impression

When he first met these women, he may have come to believe that he had finally found someone who was ready to have an intimate relationship. It would then have been as if the lights were on green, only for him to find out that this was just a mirage.

Consequently, he may have given himself a hard time, finding it hard to comprehend how he was duped all over again. At this point, he could have ended up blaming the woman he was with, seeing her as yet another woman who has wasted his time.

In The Beginning

If he was to think about what is was like when he first met these women, he could think about how interested they were. Right from the off, they would have shown a lot of interest in him.

Along with being happy to spend time with him on a regular basis, they may have been very affectionate, too. One thing that could also stand out is what their sex life was like, with this being something that was very fulfilling.

Two Extremes

To use an analogy, it would have been as though at one stage they were in the Sahara desert, while at another, they were in the North Pole. Going from one climate to another would have been difficult for them to deal with.

It might not have always been this swift, though, as there may have been times when it happened in a more gradual fashion. This might have meant that it took them a little while to notice what was going on.

For Example

So, the woman may have found time to see them a few times a week and then this started to change as time went by. As time went by and things became more serious, he may have found that she was rarely free.

In addition to this, she may have just about lost interest in sex over time. She would then have gone from being warm and available, to being cold and out of reach.

A Clear Sign

However, what may become clear is that just because a woman comes on strong in the beginning, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she is available. In fact, this can be a clear sign that she is not available.

If a woman was actually ready to have an intimate relationship, she would most likely take her time to get to know a man. With an open heart, she wouldn’t want to just want let anyone into her life.

A Big Difference

For her to come on strong straight away and to even be open to having sex just as soon can show that her heart is closed. Getting naked is one thing, but it is another thing altogether for someone to reveal their true-self.

Yet, what would have made it hard for him to realise this is if he was caught up in what was taking place. His emotions would then have been all over the place, making it hard for him to think clearly.

What’s going on?

A man like this could come to believe that this is just what women are like – the downside here is that this is would mean that there is not a lot that he can do. This area of his life is going to be completely out of his hands.

What can’t be overlooked here is that he is the person who keeps showing up, which means that he is playing a part in what is going on. If he was to go deep within himself, he may find is that the reason he keeps ending up with women like this is due to the fact that he is emotionally unavailable.

Two Levels

Consciously, then, he will have the desire to find a woman who is unavailable, but unconsciously, he will not want to get too close to a woman. The women he attracts are then going to be mirroring back what is taking place within him at a deeper level.

The reason he can’t see this can be due to the defences that he has built up over the years; these defences will keep his feelings at bay. If these defences were removed, he might soon realise why he experiences life in this way.

Way Back

During his early years, his mother may have ended up getting to close to him, smothering him in the process. This would have caused him to feel violated, yet he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it.

Emotionally shutting down would have most likely been the only way for him to handle this pain. This would have caused him to lose touch with his emotional self, but this would have been a small price to pay.

Awareness

Deep within his being, getting emotionally close to a woman will be seen as something that will cause him to lose himself – to be annihilated. His conscious mind will experience a fair amount of anger and frustration by experiencing life in this way, but to his unconscious mind this will be what feels safe.

If a man can relate to this, and he wants to change this area of his life, he may need to reach out for external support. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, he will be able to work through his inner wounds.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.